SAMPLE SCORING TABLET: “Points” Version

Please note:  the following has not yet been updated to reflect many recent changes – a revised “Scoring Tablet” will be available soon.

In the meantime, enjoy reading anyway!

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SAMPLE SCORING TABLET: “POINTS” VERSION

Here’s a hypothetical scoring tablet, between The Beatles and U2.

Unlike “The Edge” version, this system utilizes POINTS in each category:

For every Element, a band gets scored on a scale of 1 – 10 … 1 being an area of terrible weakness, 10 being an area of top-shelf ass-kicking.

Whoever tallies more ‘points’ overall – especially in the “Big Boy” department – is the winner, and the Greater Band.

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THE BIG BOYS

Impact Albums:

Nobody put out more albums that sold better, made a larger cultural impact, or are more critically revered than the Beatles.

The Beatles:  10/10

U2 is under-rated in this category – they have released impact albums in three different decades.  However, sales are lower than you’d think, critics can be picky with the lads, and even fans have shown impatience with their occasional mis-steps.

U2:  8/10

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Impact Singles:

From “I Will Follow” to “New Year’s Day” to “Pride” to “But I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” to “With or Without You” to “Desire” to “One” to “Mysterious Ways” to “Numb” to “Beautiful Day” to “Stuck In a Moment” to “The Sweetest Thing” to “Vertigo” to… (man, I’m tired) …

U2 has peppered the landscape with impact singles for over 25 years.  Their body of work can compete with anyone.

U2:  9/10

Anyone but the Beatles, that is – who have 27 (count em, 27) Number One hits in the US and/or UK.  Their singles compilation album, #1, was the highest grossing album of 2007 worldwide.

The Beatles:  10/10

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Musicianship: Virtuosity:

Both bands have more sheer talent than they get credit for.

However, this is not an area of comparative strength for either group.

When you stack U2 up against, say, Led Zeppelin, it’s almost embarrassing.

The Beatles:  7.5/10

U2:  6/10

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Musicianship: Alchemy:

Both bands make beautiful music as a unit, both play off each other’s skills masterfully, both bands are impossible to imagine with any fill-in replacements, and both have shown they are greater than the sum of their parts.

The Beatles, especially, are a mesmerizing collaboration.

The Beatles:  10/10

U2:  8.5/10

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Live Performance:

The Fabs grade incomplete here:  after a notable run in the early days, they played to screaming adolescents for a couple years then quit altogether.

However, one could hardly say they sucked… the fire started somewhere, and with Shea and The Ed Sullivan Show, they have played two of the most memorable acts in history.  Not to mention, the early albums were practically live-take recordings – and it’s perfectly obvious what they were capable of.

Nonetheless, this is not an area of strength for the Fabs.

The Beatles:  7/10

U2 is a legendary live act, from the cries of “Sunday Bloody Sunday” in 1984 to the flashy Zoo TV tour to the flag-jacket at the Super Bowl after 9/11 to this year’s 360 stadium spectacle.  As a friend once said: “Seeing U2 is like going to church.”

They’ve kicked ass live for 30 years – it may be their greatest strength.

U2:  10/10

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Influence:

It’s hilarious to hear hipsters reject the obvious:  U2 is the modern blueprint of an internationally successful rock band – from the way they do business to the way they make music – soaring guitar, structured build-to-crescendo songwriting, falsetto melodies, dramatic bombast … unfortunately, acknowledging their impact just isn’t ‘cool.’  At least Coldplay openly admit they’re copycatting the lads.

But again, the Beatles are definitive here – any band since is either following in their footsteps or intentionally in rebellion.  Evidence #1:  The Rolling Stones.

U2:  8.5/10

The Beatles:  10/10

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Versatility:

The Beatles made so many sounds, and made them so well.  They can pick you up, drop you down, and everything in between.  They’ve played with style, form, lyrical content – and all four have sung hit songs.  To point out their limitations is nitpicking.  However, I’d dock a sliver for relentless vocal tonality.

The Beatles:  9.5/10

Versatility is one of U2′s real specialties – they have covered so much ground over the last 25 years, and they have an infectious appetite for every new fad, every new style – they’ve added something different to almost every album they’ve made.

U2:  10/10

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Individuality:

When U2 comes on the jukebox … you know right away it’s the lads.  Nobody sings like Bono, and perhaps nothing in rock is more recognizable than The Edge’s shimmering guitar echoes.

However, they are often guilty of trying to sound like everyone else – or at least, trying to please everyone else.  Oasis rip-off “Staring at the Sun” was a difficult moment.

U2:  7.5/10

The Beatles are, again, definitive.  Each band-member has a distinct, flavorful personality, and they never let fame corrupt their style, or their sense of humor.  Their stamp is unique and impossible to deny – as people, as songwriters, as lyricists…  We’ll never see anyone like them again.

The Beatles:  9.5/10

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Consistent Quality:

The Beatles started out better than anyone in history, and then just kept getting better.  Naysayers like to pick on Let It Be, but my God, it’s an album any other band would kill to release.  They always do it right, they always satisfy … even now, with the Rock Band phenomenon and remastered box set.

The Beatles:  10/10

U2 deserves special recognition for caring so much, working so hard, to make every album an event, make every release “great” for their fans… and they’ve been doing it for three decades.  They do better in this Element than almost anyone.

But many of U2’s fans were unhappy in the mid-90s.  Let’s face it.

U2:  8.5/10

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Icon Status:

John.  Paul.  George.  Ringo…  first-name basis around the world.

Lennon alone clobbers just about anybody in this category.

The Beatles:  10/10

Bono is an iconic frontman, and the U2 brand of soaring, political-emotional anthems have elevated them to ‘biggest band in the world’ for some time now.  But if anything, they’re almost too accessible, almost goofy in their willingness to be un-cool.

Icons gain power by having mystery.  There’s no mystery to U2.

U2:  7.5/10

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So, if you’re keeping score, this would be:

BIG BOYS:

The Beatles:  93.5 / 100

U2:  83.5 / 100

I’m giving it the smell test… yeah… that’s about right in my mind.

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THE LITTLE BRUTHAS

Innovation:

The Beatles brought a shitload to the table, and opened a thousand doors for rock and roll throughout the world.  Studio innovations, world instruments, concept albums, music videos… good lord.

But I’ll dock them a bit for coming forward on the shoulders of giants – they weren’t starting a ‘Revolution’ right away.  They were just damned excellent.

The Beatles:  9.5/10

U2 also started out sounding like a compelling version of their contemporaries, drawing from the Ramones, among others.

Since then, The Edge has created a whole new world with his aural nigglings, the band brought epic rock ballads to the fore in the mid-80s, and U2 always pushes the envelope in their live shows.  However – not an area of super-strength.

U2:  7.5/10

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Unity:

Both bands are perfectly unified – four fellas, start to finish.  No personnel changes mid-career, no cheesy reunions with a patch-work lineup…

The Beatles couldn’t share studio space past a certain point, however… and it affected the music.

Meanwhile, U2 have worked through any bumps in the road, kept the egos aligned, and know they need each other to make good music.  25 years is a long time for managing to stay on the same page.  It’s remarkable, really, and part of what makes them Great.

That said, they never had to deal with Yoko.

The Beatles:  9/10

U2:  10/10

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Longevity:

U2 has been making impact rock and roll, actually, for 30 years now.  Incredible.

But not as long as the Stones.  Yet.

U2:  9.5/10

The Beatles were in the limelight from 1963-1970 – it was a brilliant time, and longer than a lot of bands can hack it.  But at the end of the day, 7 years isn’t much – especially compared to the competition on this list.

The Beatles:  5/10

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Recommendability:

Both bands can go on any road trip, with any family member in the car, on any mix to any sweetheart, and on and on till the sun goes down.

Introducing either band to the uninitiated is a glorious occasion.

The Beatles:  10/10

U2:  10/10

[Eddie's note:  I had given the 'edge' to U2 in this category - it was conscious bias.  I'm going back to make that a draw, effective immediately.]

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Replayability:

Either band can get their fans through a lifetime.

Sometimes The Beatles bright tones can wear me down, personally – whereas U2′s albums, especially The Joshua Tree, have been the soundtrack of my life.

This is a subjective category – deal with it, folks.

U2:  10/10

The Beatles:  9.5/10

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Cross-Gender Love:

Both bands kick ass on the cross-gender front.  You’ll rarely see a crowd so co-ed balanced as a U2 concert… and the Beatles are for everyone.

The Beatles:  10/10

U2:  10/10

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The Bar Test:

Frankly, I’ve never gone into a bar without hearing a U2 song.  I think it must be the Irish = alcoholism corollary.

For some folks, it’s getting to be too much – so they aren’t totally automatic here.

U2:  9.5/10

The Beatles will make any room tap their feet and sing along.  Play the right tune for the right occasion and witness Joy Unfurled.

However, they’ve been overplayed to death, and you don’t actually hear the Beatles in a good-time, bar-style environment very often.

The Beatles:  9/10

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Impact Outside of Rock:

Beatles dominate the cultural effect, the music-industry impact, as well as the socio-political element – they sang most memorably about love and peace.  They encouraged a generation to try drugs and watch cartoons.  Tack on Lennon’s solo career, and the mountain looms larger.

Unfortunately, they also pissed a lot of folks off, and made plenty of socio-tactical errors in the process.

The Beatles:  9.5/10

This is also a category of strength for U2 – they wrote the definitive Martin Luther King anthem with “Pride”, and Bono has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his legitimate work in Africa.  They are on every charity album of note.  Bono now writes columns for the New York Times.  They are an international corporation at this point, and have excellent business acumen – witness their single pasted all over the first “I-pod” advertisments.

Nobody has done more in the public/political arena.

U2:  10/10

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What do we find?

The Little Bruthas:

The Beatles:  71.5 / 80

U2:  76.5 / 80

Ah… so U2, for me, outscores the Beatles in the lesser Elements.

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OVERALL

BIG BOYS:

The Beatles:  93.5 / 100

U2:  83.5 / 100

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The Little Bruthas:

The Beatles:  71.5 / 80

U2:  76.5 / 80

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TOTAL:   The Beatles – 165 / 180…  U2 – 160 / 180.

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So… it’s the Beatles, but not by as much as I’d have thought.

Given the Big Boys should weigh more than the Little Bruthas, their +10 looks a lot better than U2′s +5 below.

Still seems a little close, to my mind, so perhaps my score needs challenging.

However:

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TIEBREAKER:

MY PERSONAL PREFERENCE:

I am a U2 fan from my youth, and so they have special meaning – I’ve probably given them more points in several areas than a non-fan would.

But if you’re asking me who I think is the Greater Rock Band?

It’s not a debate:

The Beatles.

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FINAL DECISION

Nobody recognizes U2’s contributions and overall Greatness more than myself.

I believe they should end up in the top handful of All-Time Rock Bands.

But the Beatles are undeniable.

THE BEATLES ARE A GREATER ROCK BAND THAN U2.

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I hope, looking through the ‘numbers’ scorecard, you can agree.

If not…

BRING ON THE CHALLENGE.

I welcome any comments/criticisms/insights/improvements you have in mind!

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And while we’re at it:

START DOIN’ THIS SHIT YOURSELF!

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I can’t wait to hear what you find…

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